Shayne-Michael.COMedy

Ask Shayne Michael A Question

Q: Do you really think you're funny.

A: No this site is really just here to piss off those who don't.

Q: Where are you performing next?

A: Nowhere. I never invite people to my shows.

Q: If you could die and come back as anything what would you come back as?

A: A really bad open mic comic.

Q: Are you attractive?

A: Yes but I have low self esteem so I'm just lying to myself.

Q: What's your day job.

A: Comedy, I just use the income it generates to renew my teaching certificate.

Q: How much money does this site generate.

A: Tons, I sleep on a mattress of fives and twenties every night.

Q: Can you recommend any up and coming comics?

A: Yes.

Q: Except yourself.

A: No.

Q: What do you look for in a girlfriend?

A: Someone who thinks I'm always right.

Q: Have you ever found one?

A: No.

Q: I like your comedy, but your songs suck.

A: Your wrong, my songs are marginally average and my comedy sucks.

Q: If I ran for president, would you vote for me?

A: No.

Q: Why do you include resources for comics?

A: Because there is nothing more professional and worthy than an open mic'r who was just passed up for an insignificant Comedy Store audition.

Q: Does it burn when you pee?

A: Occasionally, when I'm trying to put out a camp fire.

Q: Have you ever been arrested?

A: Yes, but only in Yellow Stone National Park.

Q: Do you have any recommendations for an up and coming comic.

A: Yes, bookers only hire assholes.

Q: What was your favorite movie of all time?

A: Terms of Endearment.

Q: Do you have a medical condition that explains your attitude?

A: Yes, but my health insurance takes care of it.

Q: What did you do with all the cash you made from the short lived heylady/ shayne-michael partnership?

A: I laundered the money and bought an island of the coast off the Caymans.

Q: Were you dropped on your head as a child?

A: No it happened when I was 32.

Q: Will you convert to my religion?

A: Only if you worship a false God like real estate appreciation.

Q: What site is better for comics heylady.com or shayne-michael.com?

A: Chucklemonkey.

Q: What do you think of sircomedy.com?

A: Who?

Q: I'm a business man thinking of starting a comedy club, what do you recommend?

A: A second opinion.

Q: Are you in love with anyone right now?

A: Yes, but she's trying to talk me out of it.

Q: I'm a webmaster. How can I get listed with Yahoo?

A: Buy 51% stock, attend a shareholders' meeting and pretend you have turrets.

Q: Can you think of anything else that would piss me off?

A: Yes, this site has outlasted every single site that has criticized it.