Shayne-Michael.COMedy

Ask Shayne Michael A Question About Comedy

Q: Where's the best place to get stage time in LA?

A: Mental institutions and to a lesser degree opening for thrash metal bands.

Q: How often should comics write new material?

A: Never. Writing new material only shows a lack of faith in the old.

Q: What should I do if the emcee mispronounces my name?

A: Make derogatory comments about his mother.

Q: What's the best way to get stage time?

A: Sleep with the booker.

Q: What if I'd rather earn it with my comedy?

A: Then you don't want it badly enough.

Q: What's the best way to get a job writing for a sitcom?

A: Stalk a cast member.

Q: My jokes aren't working. How can I fix this?

A: Use the word "fuck" more often.

Q: How should I handle the light?

A: Save your best material until you see it then do another five minutes after it starts to flash.

Q: I'm running a show, what advice can you give me?

A: Put the worst comics up when the most people are in the room and headline the show yourself every night.

Q: Am I right to be offended when a booker asks me to bring three people?

A: Yes, because comics who sell out theaters go nowhere.

Q: What's the best piece of advice you can give to an up and coming comic?

A: Bookers love assholes.

Q: Are comedy classes a waste of time?

A: Yes, but so are high schools and universities. In fact, the best way to compete in any field is to drop out of the educational process all together.

Q: I'm not going to say a word for my entire act. Has that ever been done before?

A: No.

Q: When will there be a union for comics?

A: When Roseanne blows Tom Arnold on a Nick at Night special.

Q: Is Novel Cafe still going?

A: Yes, but the only sign up is at 1am on Christmas Eve, and you must show up naked with your genitals wrapped in a bow.

Q: Should I have business cards made.

A: No. Any time you spend money to promote yourself, you're just selling out.

Q: Comedy.Com has a membership fee, are they trying to rip me off.

A: Yes. Yours is the only time anyone should be paid for. Be offended any time anyone else thinks they're worth it.

Q: I just played the Laundry Matt. The show sucked and I'm never going back.

A: I can see you're a long term player. Some comics think learning how to play rough venues is a good skill. We call those comics jackasses.

Q: When should I talk about sex in my act?

A: At the beginning.

Q: Should I talk about anything else up front?

A: No stick to sex. Use visual aides and demonstrate on audience members.

Q: Won't that offend the audience?

A: Obviously you know nothing about shock comedy.

Q: What's the best way to support this site?

A: Donate to Chucklemonkey.