The New Shayne-Michael.COMedy

Recently, I taped auditions for a new TV show. And since it's basically a conservative version of Politically Incorrect, should we just call that Politically Correct, I had to repress my desire to strangle people.

I love it when a former news reporter from FOX doesn't realize FOX news is an Oxymoron.

What offends me the most though is stupid idea that every wasted dollar in California, every budget problem and every crime was caused illegal immigrants. Apparently Steve Poizner is resonating with some people who believe if you deported everybody named Juan, suddenly California would be fine and dandy again.

Damn Republicans like scapegoats.

Too much violence? I blame illegal immigrants.

Our kids aren't getting a proper education. I blame illegal immigrants. They're distracting the teacher's attention from the real Americans.

Two for one sales end at Payless. I blame illegal immigrants for that too.

If we passed a law forcing everyone to learn English and some blow-hard conservative called that law intrusive, he or she would also find a way of blaming illegal immigrants for pressing for that law in the first place.

I also love it when my conservative friends complain about how companies aren't fined hiring illegal immigrants, and in the next breath complain that they think their undocumented maid Fabiola is stealing from them.

I'd steal from you too.

We passively complain way too often about the policies of our leaders being contradictory.

I'm in favor of making Dick Cheney waterboard them.

At this point, if a politician doesn't have the guts to stand up for what they believe in instead of speaking out of both sides of their face, I think I should be allowed to use Medieval torture devices on them until they pick a side.

I'm tired of spine transplant jokes being applicable to every politician I used to respect.

But back to the subject of this blog. Since some conservatives are convinced that illegals are causing every problem we're facing these days, what can we do? I suggest we build a wall. That will stop everyone who can't find a ladder, wire cutters or a shovel.

Short of that I suggest a gung-ho border control, especially in Texas and Arizona, because it would be so out-of-character.

The political strategy of the upper class, as George Carlin once put it, is to keep us fighting over trivia so they can run off with all the money. And they have done this with blacks, Hispanics, illegal immigrants and most recently gay rights activist. So I'm going to suggest a more controversial solution to make all the "I blame illegal immigrants for everything," happy.

Everyone married to a girl named Maria has to pay a tax for violating my constitutional rights.

I know what you're thinking, not every single illegal is named Maria. I know what you're thinking, Maria could be an Italian name. Well that sounds like communist double talk comrade.

Posted March 10, 2010 by Shayne Michael under Politics

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