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101 Bad Things To Put On Your Resume Under The Hobbies Section
- White collar crime
- Making copies of office keys
- Mail fraud
- Stealing office supplies
- Sexual harassing myself
- Faking worker's comp injuries
- Sexual enlightenment
- Violating the company mascot
- Naked limbo
- Exposing trade secrets
- Lottery pool fraud
- Full frontal massage therapy
- Scapegoating
- Performing unnecessary surgery
- Justifiable homicide
- Upskirt webcams
- Bombing mortuaries
- Deadbeat parenting
- The witness relocation program
- Anarchy
- Grand theft auto
- Raping my imaginary friend
- Apologizing to Mr. McFeely
- Destroying Narnia
- Late-term abortions
- Chemical Warfare
- Random drug testing on strangers
- Latchhooking straight jackets
- Asking the voices in my head why I'm here
- Arguing with the answer
- Driving an ice cream truck
- Funding the Sandinista resistance
- Counterfunding the army they're fighting
- Coming up with impractical ways for Gilligan to get off the island
- Falling behind on my rent
- Random acts of nipple piercing
- Calulated acts of penis enlargement
- Dodging Hollywood restraining orders
- VD
- Masturbating in front of my Teletubie collection
- Taking Cabbage Patch Kids back to the adoption center
- Telling 3-Year olds that Jingle Balls is an ode to my gay love Kris
- Putting the Chicken Run DVD in 20 Piece KFC Family packs
- Arguing blowjobs aren't sex
- Arguing that handshakes are
- Shaking hands
- Penis envy
- Vaginal spite
- Cuntalingous
- Yeast infections
- Baking Wonder Bread
- Acting spokesperson for the Easybake oven company
[We're hot and our spokesperson will do anyone.]
- Lupus
- Sexual healing through visualization
- Staring down coworkers
- Waxing brazilians
- Borderline schizophrenia
- Temporary sanity
- Permanent instability
- Violating court ordered mental examinations
- Professional expert witness
- KFC breast reduction surgery
- Clam digging
- Oral sex
- Oral sex at a clam dig
- The abolition movement
- Educating Rita
- Stalking Rita Ruder
- Reestablishing contact with my Son Sam
- Dancing with wolves
- Binge drinking
- Taking 17 year-olds across the International Date Line
- Lesbian soap sculptures
- Valentine's Day massacres
- Chocolate bunnies
- Musical adaptations of Stephen King books
- Three Card Monte
- The Full Monty
- Acting out Monty Pyton skits
- Identity theft
- Income tax evasion
- Bulimia
- Shredding psychological evaluation reports
- Fran Dresher Fran-Mail
- Crank calling airport security
- Feeding Jenny Craig
- Sniffing toenail polish
- Raising My Silver Surfer
- Corporate espionage
- Fractals
- Evidence tampering
- Pole dancing
- Polish Sausages
- Voting fraud
- Saving Gotham
- Destroying Metropolis
- Burning bridges
- The Bridge To Teribithia
- Todd Bridges
- Naked Skydiving
- Tainted Love
- Asking The Marines Recruiter If The Captain And Tennille Will Do It To Me One More Time
I can't wait until they invent artificial intelligence so you can have some deer.
Shayne Michael's: Next Show:
Posted June 27, 2007 by Shayne Michael under Work
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© 2005, 06, 07, 08 by Shayne Michael AKA the Quiet Comic
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